Category Archives: Suicide

Red Light, Green Light, In Between Light

A day or two before New Years my grandmother called me. She wanted to know how I was feeling. And doing. My infant daughter had died in October. My mom’s dad in September. My other grandfather, Noni’s husband, months before … Continue reading

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My Down and Dirty

I didn’t know it’s Suicide Prevention Awareness Week. Didn’t even know it existed. Seems like something I’d know, doesn’t it? So sue me. I’m aware of the Out of Darkness overnight walk. My son and I occasionally say, Next year we’ll do … Continue reading

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Un-Ringing

I remember what I wore that day. What my boy was wearing. We never wore those clothes again. We gave them away. Down to my favorite red winter coat with black velvet trim. I had looked at my watch. My … Continue reading

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Insides and Outsides

I’d always been round. A chubby child. Pleasantly plump. Pink cheeks on fair skin. Dark, dark, wavy hair. A cherubic babe from a Renaissance painting born to a later era. I felt like a near-miss. Mine is the least reliable memory … Continue reading

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If You Hear Tears in the Night

I didn’t know my son, whose second floor bedroom was above mine, could easily hear me sob at night. Tears held back in daylight came to find me then. Sorrow already surfaced recycled in the dark. Switching sides of the … Continue reading

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The Victim Is The Murderer

Journal Entry                                                                                                 March 18, 1993 Who is the man who murdered himself in our garage? Who’s the man who took such liberty with my life, and with my son’s? Who hated me … Continue reading

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Something Beautiful

Vicki carried the orchid to work one morning and set it on my desk. A white phalaenopsis nearly two feet tall in a beautiful cachepot nestled in a florist’s white gift box. Spanish moss covered the redwood planting bark. Three willowy bloom … Continue reading

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